Dreams in ashes
by pamy
Summary: They're to destructive for their own good, they'll burn out until there is nothing left of them and in the end one of them won't make it out of the wreckage. She's never quite sure who it will be.


**_Based on a prompt from hypermemmalawz. The prompt was Logan/Lilly that which was, which somehow reminded me of a story I once read in high school. It was sort of a story about a real person, written like a fairy tale but with a sad ending, there was this one sentence that stayed in my mind never quite leaving, which is the first thign I thought of when I read the prompt. It somehow also fits with Logan and LIlly. I don't own Veronica Mars of course, if I did Meg, Felix and Lilly would never have died, Cassidy would just be a nice kid and Duncan would not have left. As you can see if it was mind there would not be a show. Title comes from a song, the song is from the movie odd girl out. _**

* * *

There was once a time in her life in which fairy tales were all she knew; her life was filled and shaped with stories of princesses and small children lost in woods, of evil withes and curses, stories of talking animals and princes coming to save the day. There was somehow always a beautiful little girl, sometimes a princess, living with an evil stepmother or under an evil curse, and there was somewhere always a prince waiting to come out and save her.

It was in that time that Lilly used to wish she was a princess.

Back then, in a time when it was still easy, everything had seemed so simple to her; you could live in a large castle, there was a guy (a prince) out there somewhere who was willing to battle your demons, and together you would live happily ever after. It had seemed so attainable, an easy reachable dream; all she had to do was wish for it, and it would come her way. It can not be hard, after all several princesses and girls manage to do it, why not her as well?

She's already a beautiful little girl living in a large castle; all she needs is a prince.

* * *

By the time her eyes land on Logan the truth has already come out.

She doesn't belong in the fairy tale world she once wished to live in, she's not the innocent girl living in a castle, bound by her demons; she's not waiting for someone to come and safe her from the evil inside, nobody will ride with her into the sunset on a beautiful white horse, life simply doesn't work that way. She's not that girl and she suspects she's never actually been that girl, she just wanted to be; she wanted to reach out and touch her, live her live.

But she can't, because she's the girl with demons that can not be battled.

Logan is not a fairy tale prince that will come to safe her, he will not battle her demons for her; he can not even battle his own. They're not the leads of a fairy tale, it is not their world; they're not perfect and innocent, they are not getting a happy ending. They are wild and passionate, they are destructive and scarred; she's like a hurricane blowing trough people's lives and leaving nothing but wreckage behind. He follows the same destructive path as her, he can not safe her and she can not safe him; somehow one of them will one day burn out, one of them _may _survive.

They're not the fairy tale romance she used to dream of as a child.

She's not that girl and he is not that guy.

* * *

Lilly knows who does belong in that fairy tale; she knows whose story it is.

Veronica is that beautiful little girl living in the small house, she's the one who falls in love with the prince; she'll be the one singled out to dance with, she'll be the one the prince will follow. Veronica was made to live in that world, she's sweet and innocent; she's _worth saving. _The prince will save her from her demons, though there are not many; and together they will drive of into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Veronica and Duncan are the fairy tale romance she used to dream of as a child.

Veronica is everything Lilly never was and never will be, Lilly is too broken for her own good (though she's not entirely sure why); Veronica gets to live in that beautiful perfect world, she'll be the happy one. Lilly wants her to be, she wants to do everything in her power to protect that innocent girl from the reality of the world; she wants to shield her from the horrors, wants to save her from the pain. Because if the world has it's way with her that innocence will disappear and the fairy tale will leave as well.

One of them belongs in that world and Lilly will do everything to keep her in it.

Because Veronica _is _that girl and Duncan _is _that guy.

* * *

Sometimes Lilly is jealous of Veronica.

She wants to be that girl, she wants to live the live of perfection; she wants happiness and innocence, not pain and destruction. But she'll never have that because it's not her, it will never be her; Lilly will always be the rebel daughter trying to gain the attention of her parents, and yet at the same time she'll be the fierce friend protecting Veronica. Lilly is never quite sure where Logan actually fits in her live, she's never quite sure _what_ they are; maybe they're nothing, maybe they're trying to be something they are not.

They're two broken self-destructive people, hanging onto each other.

When Lilly looks at him she sees his scars and his pain, she sees the broken Logan that can never be healed; in her he sees a different kind of pain and loneliness as well, he sees the broken part of her that can not be healed, no matter who tries. They're destructive and passionate, they come together and burn hot and heavy; and then they push each other away, because they can not deal with each other's pain as well as their own. They burn with passion so strong and warm that she knows they'll someday run out; someday there will be nothing left.

They'll burn out until there is nothing left, one of them won't make it out of that wreckage.

She's never quite sure which one it will be.

* * *

They're always drawn to each other again, like a mot is drawn to fire.

Because Lilly knows that he is the closest she'll ever get to that fairy tale romance, he's the closest thing to happily ever after; they won't have a happy ending, but maybe they don't need one, just an ending. In the end he's not a prince and she's not a princess, but they don't need to be; together they burn brighter than the sun, together she thinks they _might _make it. It might not be perfect, but she is not made for that; she'll leave the perfect fairy tale to Veronica, she'll take the rest.

She _knows _she loves Logan, the best way she can.

She knows that she cares for him and wishes she could save him from his father; she knows that she wants to hold him and never let him go. She _knows _she loves him, but she never says it; because Lilly doesn't know how to say that she loves him, that she cares for him deeply. And she knows that in the end it's not enough, the love she feels for him is not all consuming; it is not like Veronica and Duncan, it's destructive and she knows that in the end it will burn them both.

She loves him she knows she does, it just isn't enough.

* * *

Fairy tales in the end are nothing but words on paper.

They're not true and they never will be, she doesn't belong in them and neither does Veronica; they're just people in the normal world, trying to achieve the impossible. All four of them banding together, attempting to reach that perfect true love; that fairy tale romance, that happy ending. Lilly knew she'd never get it, that she was not made for it; but Veronica was, she was the innocence and perfection, she was the fairy tale.

Lilly hates her father for being the evil in the story; she hates Duncan for not fighting.

She can not save Veronica from this, she can not protect her; the universe decided that Veronica's fairy tale was to be broken, tainted even. Lilly will never understand why it had to be this way, why they could not just let them be; after all they had done nothing wrong, they had done nothing to deserve it. Lilly wishes that Duncan would jump up and fight for his princess, like a true fairy tale, and protect her; but he doesn't. He falls down and stays there; he doesn't even try to fight it anymore.

Lilly stands at the sidelines and watches the wreckage.

For one time it wasn't hers.

* * *

She knew that in the end she'd be her own destruction.

That no matter where her story would take her, no matter the path she would walk down; she'd end up destroying herself, whatever ending came it would be of her own doing. Lilly watches from the sidelines as Veronica climbs out the wreckage and leaves Duncan behind, in the end she doesn't know what he knows; doesn't feel the pain, doesn't feel disgusted with herself. Veronica, that sweet innocent girl, has turned out to be stronger than Lilly will ever be.

She knew one day she and Logan would simply burn out.

She doesn't have a story, she doesn't have and excuse; she doesn't know _why_ she slept with his father, only that he is _the _Aaron Echolls, and she is just Lilly Kane. She's as destructive as she could possibly be, steering towards her own destruction; creating her own tragic ending, like a true tragedy. She hits Logan with the ultimate betrayal, destroys him like she never thought she would; maybe that's why she took the tapes, maybe she was just trying to punish herself.

She knew one of them wouldn't make it out of the wreckage.

The ashtray decides who it is.

* * *

In the end that was all they could get their hands on.

They weren't made for happily ever after, they weren't made to have a happy ending; they weren't the kind of people that could live in a house with a white picket fence. They were destructive and passionate, and one of them would never make it past this; though privately she had always hoped she would somehow make it out.

Maybe in the end this was the only ending they could hope for.

The ashtray swinging at her head, the world turning around her; the blood collaring her hair red, the stillness of the air around her. She's like a hurricane that has blown trough the world and finally has run out of strength, one that has done all the destruction it could possibly do in one lifetime; she's finally come to the end of her rope.

In the end the death and destruction, the burning out of passion, was the only ending they deserved.

The only one they got.

* * *

Because that which once was, that which they could never be again, was never actually a fairy tale.

_Nobody lives happily ever after. _


End file.
